i've had better...

ok so I really don't know what i've had better OF, i just know that sounded like a kewl title. XD
it's been a tiring weekend, and I'm still trying to figure some things out from this past week. but otherwise, this week has been really good.
on the way back from Ecuador last week, i started writing these lyrics... and i figured, why not post em'? no one reads this anyway. so without any further ado, lyrics and music by me. =)

letting go.

don't quite know how
to explain how I feel
don't really know what happened,
but i know it was real

is there a word for this anxiety,
the one that's filled with joy?
is there a definition for my
depression in the midst of sun?

(bridge)
feels like confusion
maybe mass chaos
all I know now
is you need to explain us

(chorus)
tell me you're there, tell me you care,
tell me we'll be okay even in the darkest day.
I need to know, you need to show
cuz I'm letting go if you say no.
o-oh oh, oh I'm letting go.

I feel so numb,
i'm so overcome
by my feelings
sometimes it takes my breath away.

can you explain
why it seems like rain
is making everything,
everything so clear?

bridge
chorus

tell me, please, tell me.
can you show me, just show me?

I don't know you're there or even if you care
I don't think we'll be okay, not in our darkest day.
who cares if I know? you don't have to show,
cuz I'm letting go, no matter if you say no.
o-oh oh, oh I'm letting go.

Ecuador and more

SO much has happened, I'm not sure I can fit it all in one post, and I don't know if I'll even manage to get all of it on my blog- ever.
so I'll start with what I remember most- Ecuador!!!! We got back 6 days ago... It was the most amazing trip I've ever been on. I learned a lot, and made tons of new friends. One thing that I really loved about the trip was those adorable little kids. I loved being able to spread Christ's love all over the place- with everyone, everywhere I went- by simply hugging some kids, playing "pato, pato, ganza" (duk, duck, goose), and painting their faces. It was so amazing to be able to SEE what I was doing for God's kingdom, to hear those sweet little voices accepting Christ as their Savior. God really showed me that so many times, being a servant isn't just about what you do- it's about your heart and your attitude. That you can be a servant of Christ by simply loving kids and blowing bubbles with them, if you have the right mindset... or heart-set, so to speak.
well that's about all I've got on Ecuador, except that I seriously might live there someday. I love it there. =)

Wednesday, I had to do one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I gave up my best friend in the entire world. I didn't totally give her up, there is no way I could completely destroy our relationship. But some stuff was happening that I couldn't deal with any more. and I gave it up. I told her we basically needed to take a break. It was so hard, and for the rest of the night I think I stopped crying a total of 30 minutes, tops. It was like I'd had to rip my own heart out. and it was SO hard. I can only hope and pray now that this break doesn't last too long and God brings her back to me soon.
God, you know how much I love her. Please don't make me try to move on. I can't. I don't want to, I don't want to forget her or let her go. You know what needs to happen- please just give me the strength to make it through this fire.

it's been a while...

some lyrics that are oh-so-applicable to my life right now...

If you want me to
Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why
You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to