Ready for You

it's been sooo long since I've written on here! but obviously life has improved a lot. God has done so much for me the past few months... and if there's one thing he's teaching me, it's that prayer WORKS. He always answers prayer. it might not be answered the way I want it to be, or when i want it to be, but he will ALWAYS answer me. so anyway.. i wrote this song about a week ago and decided it was high time i posted some more lyrics up here. =)
Ready for You- lyrics/music by ME!

My dreams I lay down,
down at your feet,
my purpose now yours, God-
every part of me.
My fears cast aside,
my heart open wide,
ready for you
to give me hope anew.

::chorus::
And here I am-
here, in your hands...
broken and bruised,
I'm ready for you
to come and take me back,
back to where you are-
I've gone so far,
lost my way;
I'm so ready for you today.

Oh, Lord, I pray now
that through this somehow
you'd let me see
what you desire me to be.
I need you so much,
and I'm longing for you
to bring me back
and make my heart new.

::chorus::

bridge-
I'm helpless, alone,
can't do it on my own
I need your help!
I'm useless by my self, oh.
carry me now...
carry me now...
you are my shield, you are my comfort.
you are my hiding place and my joy.
you are my peace, you are my savior.
you are my reason to live and you are my friend.
you are my father, you're everything I need
and you're always... always ready for me.

::chorus::

inadequacy

surely I'm not the only girl who's ever felt inadequate. surely there are others out there who have seen both sides of the picture and thought "there's no way I'll measure up." if you've ever felt inept, inadequate, unsuitable, out of place... you're not alone. but don't let Satan whisper those lies to you. God calls you beautiful (psalm 45:11), he is jealous for you (exodus 34:14) and says you're his treasure (exodus 19:5). trust him for your worth.

free

FREE by Ginny Owens

Turnin' molehills into mountains
Makin' big deals out of small ones
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens
This is how it's been
Afraid of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can't do too well
Afraid I'll try real hard
And I'll fail
This is how it's been
Till the day You pounded on my heart's door
And You shouted joyfully
You're not a slave anymore!

CHORUS:
You're free to dance
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to Me
You're free to love
'Cause I've given you My love
And it's made you free
I have set you free!

My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity and
Changed the course of history
Because You loved us so
And my heart cannot understand
How You accept me as I am
But You say You've always had a plan
And that's all I need to know
So when I am consumed
With what the world will say
Then You're singing to me, as You remove
my chains

Free from worry
Free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile

Psalm 55... Think it through

If you couldn't tell, I'm starting a new thing on my blog which I'm calling "Think it Through". I'm starting out on Psalm 55, but may very well focus on just one verse, or a poem, or some thing that happens in everyday life and how it all relates spiritually. Since lately my friends and I have been going through some pretty troublesome, confusing things, when i was reading this the other day, I decided to talk about it on here... kinda break it down, ya know...

anyway, please follow this link:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2055&version=31
to read Psalm 55 online. You can change it to any version you want, but I'll be quoting from NIV. and you're welcome to read it in your own bible if you want. =)

I'm sure we've all had times when we feel like God's not listening to us. In these first 2 verses, David's basically begging for God to hear him. I don't know about you, but I've had times when I've gone to God pretty distraught. some of those times have been posted on here. I've been thinking "God, why is this happening? Why now? Why all at once? God, I'm getting so depressed it scares me! This is not who I want to become! Why aren't you listening??? My heart is HURTING, God. really hurting. I'm scared, I don't know what to do."
and looking back on those times, seeing these first few verses, it is so comforting to know that I'm not some weirdo. David- THE MAN AFTER GOD'S OWN HEART!- was in the same place I was.
"I said, 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.'"
He wants to escape, to run away from it all, just like I did- and still sometimes do! I am not alone. Decades, centuries ago, David went through this and made it. People have been going through this for ages upon ages, and yet I have the selfishness to think that God's left me in the dust and cares nothing about me, out of the blue? He's been helping us through this- every single one of us- for longer than forever. And yet we doubt him.
But somehow, it feels reasonable to doubt his "perfect will" when "a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship," turns against me.
and in the midst of all these horribly painful (yet able to relate to) events, David finds the faith to call on God. I can imagine him lying in his bed, tears streaming down both his cheeks, so much so that he can't see his hand in front of his face. Crying out in distress- whimpering, groaning, yelling. "GOD! SAVE ME!!!! it HURTS! Oh, God. I can't do this. I can't. I don't want to. Why? Do you even hear me? But you have to! GOD, SAVE ME! HEAR MY CRY AND RESCUE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!"
and he swoops in- if he hasn't yet, he WILL- and ransoms you.
RANSOMS you. a ransom indicates paying to get something back- which is exactly what he did. He paid, with his very life, to get you back. And you can't give him the one small portion of your heart that he says "let go of it."?
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."
... but, our righteousness is as filthy rags! doesn't that mean I'll fall?
If you are in Christ, you are a new Creation. (2 Cor. 5:17) He has blessed you with grace and covered you in his righteousness. Trust him.
Only trust him.

you've made me as gold purified through these flames.

...so, somehow, amazingly, God has brought beauty from this messy disaster that I caused. a week or 2 (or 3 or 4) ago, I would've said that this was one of God's trials... and I guess in a way it was, but it might not have had to happen if I'd been walking closely with Him.
yesterday, I was reading my bible & devotional book (My Utmost for His Highest- I HIGHLY recommend this book!), and the devo for the day was about being Jesus' friend. It said that the only way we can know that we're really Jesus' friend, is when we're able to lay down our life (figuratively [in this case], or literally) for Him. and i realized- I've always said I would give my life for any of my friends. because I would. If I had to die to take one of their places, I would be FINE with that. but when I have to give my friends, who ARE my life, up for Him... I wouldn't. I couldn't be his true friend, because I wouldn't give my friends (AKA- my life) up for him {Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)}.
anyway, so yesterday I made up my mind and said, "No matter what, God, you're first place from here on out. I refuse to put anyone or anything before you any more. Please calm my troubled heart and bring your peace that passes my understanding into my life. "
and He did.
cuz he always does.

God of my Days

i love this song. and it is oh-so-applicable to my life right now.

God of my Days
God of my Days,
King of my nights,
Lord of my laughter,
Sovereign in sorrow.
the Prince of my praise,
you're the love of my life-
you never leave me,
you are faithful,
God of my days.

my eyes are on you,
my hope is in you,
my faith is in you.
------------------
i don't know the rest of the lyrics. but this is all I need.