beachy thoughts

Normal people on the beach: ahhh, yes. Sand & sun & surf! Yay swimsuits, saltwater, and sweaty-sunscreeny-ness. Let's stay here forever.
Me on the beach: Um, tank top & shorts, anyone? Okay cool, I walked in the sand and let the water tickle my toes. Back to the room to read and blog please.

But really.
For as long as I can remember, and I'm pretty sure FOREVER, our family has not been the beach kind of family. We're mountains people. In fact, for most of my elementary/middle school/high school years, we simply didn't go to the beach on vacation. Occasionally Dad would have to come down for a business trip over a few days and we'd join him, but we mostly thought it was awesome because of continental breakfasts and lazy rivers in the swanky hotels his employers booked.
Our "real" family vacations consisted of mountains and waterfalls and tubing down snake-infested rivers (okay, maybe not snake-infested, but water moccasins are in basically every river I think). Think tent camping (occasionally log cabins instead, if we were feeling particularly un-adventurous), grilling over a fire pit, visiting historical landmarks and nature centers, hunting down animal prints, and learning about the local plant life. We were basically our own little 4-H unit or boy scout troop.
Needless to say, as I got older and started going on youth camps to the beach and hitting up weekend beach getaways with college friends, I felt less than attached to the ways of the beach- cause let's face it, there is a totally different way of life required at the beach- and liked it occasionally but wasn't crazy about it.
Obviously still true. We're here, at a beautiful beach in a nice family-oriented town on a gorgeous sunny-yet-breezy day, and I'm sitting on the shady porch of our hotel room blogging. And really not missing out on anything.
I think I dislike the beach because it makes me feel shallow. Sure, it's beautiful, and I still marvel at how God made the ocean and controls the tides and all that- it's really awesome. But the beach is about one thing: swimsuits. Whether you're actually in the ocean playing around or skimboarding or laying out or playing volleyball, you're wearing a swimsuit. I mean geez, most people wear swimsuits 24/7 around here. That, plus the fact that I HATE SWIMSUITS, equals bad.
I'm constantly thinking about how I look- how pale I am, how huge my thunder thighs are, how my tummy pooches, how I'll never look good in a bikini so instead I hide behind my very modest tankini... The beach makes me constantly think about ME and how *I* look and what people are probably thinking when they see ME. Sure, I could probably guard against it, but it's pretty natural I think. When I'm not being careful to keep my mind off of earthly things and focused on the eternal, I naturally lapse into the shallow-minded ways that are so much more prominent for me at the beach.
I don't mean to blame it all on other things- the real issue here is that I am sinful and my mind is hard to control. I guess I'm saying all this to point out how quickly my mind progresses from "my skin is pale" to "I'm pasty white" to "I'm so ugly" to "how do I even have friends?" to "no one will ever love me" to a gigantic pity party. It seriously takes about .835 seconds.
The one thing I find to be my fortress in the midst of this is His name. Sometimes, my mind is so caught up in all the grossness that I can't even pull myself out of it enough to transition my thoughts, and all I can think is "Jesus, help me." I still don't understand it, but there's something about his name that changes things. It floods my fluttery, worried heart with an odd sense of security and confidence.
Cause let's be real- how many of those super-tan, super-attractive-in-a-swimsuit people have what I have? It's sad that they don't have it, but knowing that I have a relationship with THE GOD makes up for all that.
This morning, I keep thinking about that Superchick song (the one that EVERYONE knows)- One Girl Revolution.
"If all you see is how I look, you miss the superchick within, and I christen you 'Titanic'- underestimate and swim.
I'll be everything that I want to be. I am confidence in insecurity. I am the voice yet waiting to be heard. I'll shoot the shot (BANG!) that you hear 'round the world, cause I'm a one-girl revolution."
It sounds kinda crazy, the "confidence in insecurity" part, but I think it means 2 things: finding confidence in the fact that you are insecure sometimes and are okay with it, and confidence in the midst of insecurity because of His love. I love the idea of both of these things, because it means that somewhere within me there lies the ability for me to be confident. That's nice to know, and somehow (eerily) boosts my confidence.

All that may not have made sense (it usually seems not to). I apologize for that, and how many parenthetical remarks I made in this post (I really love my parentheses!). I guess my only summational comment is this: through it all, He is here. that's the Glory of It All.

The Summer of Taylor

I'll forewarn you: this blog post is not half as deep or thought-provoked as most of my other blog posts are, so if you're not a huge T-Swizzle fan or are here to read something interesting or philosophical, ye may as well leave, lassie. 
I hope you read that last phrase in a convincing Scottish accent. If not, go back and do it again, just for kicks.
:)

So, my friend Wesley and I have recently decided that this is the Summer of Taylor. Meaning that somehow, suddenly, wonderfully, Taylor Swift lyrics and music seem to adequately fit our lives or moods. Because of this, I've found myself almost meditating on her lyrics sometimes (don't even get me started on how it frustrates me that it's so easy for me to meditate on secular lyrics and I can't seem to et the Word of God stuck in my head enough to meditate on it. Stupid Satan.)

The outcome of that fact is this: T-Swiz lyrics that I really like or fit my life or fit my mood or I find entertaining. 
Ready. Set. GO:

"We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. It's miserable and magical." -22
"I don't know why, but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless." -Fearless
"And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause he never did." -Begin Again
"And the cynics were outraged, screaming 'This is absurd!' cause for a moment, a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world." -Long Live
"You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess... Today was a fairytale." -Today Was a Fairytale
"Sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know, or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go. But they wouldn't teach you that in prep school, so it's up to me, but no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity." -Better Than Revenge
"You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray, and I stood there loving you and wished them all away." -Cold As You
"I'm wonderstuck, dancing around all alone. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you." -Enchanted
"Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all too well." -All Too Well
"Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress, we had this big wide city all to ourselves." -Holy Ground
"Someday, I'll be living in a big ol' city, and all you're ever gonna be is mean." -Mean
"I hope sometimes you wonder about me." -I Almost Do
"Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago, I was in your sights, you got me alone, you found me... I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that." -I Knew You Were Trouble
"Everything I need is right here by my side, and I know everything about you, I don't wanna live without you." -I'm Only Me When I'm With You
"I go back to December all the time." -Back to December
"All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss." -Last Kiss
"Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?" -Innocent
"She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile." -Invisible
"They tell you that you're lucky, but you're so confused, cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used." -The Lucky One
"I'll be eighty-seven, you'll be eighty-nine. I'll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky, oh my my my." -Mary's Song
"When all you wanted was to be wanted... wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now." -Fifteen
"You are the best thing that's ever been mine." -Mine
"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room. Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home. Remember the footsteps, remember the words said, and all your little brother's favorite songs. I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone." -Never Grow Up
"If this was a movie, you'd be here by now." -If This Was A Movie
"I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around, my faith in you was fading." -Love Story
"She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts... Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you? Been here all along, so why can't you see you belong with me?" -You Belong With Me
"When you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think my favorite song, the one we danced to all night long." -Tim McGraw
"All I know is you held the door. You'll be mine and I'll be yours. All I know since yesterday is everything has changed." -Everything Has Changed
"You're beautiful, every little piece love, and you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone." -Stay Beautiful
"I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye and we caught on to something." -Forever & Always
"Well, I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car. He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart." -Our Song
"I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly, and people would say we're the lucky ones." -The Story of Us
"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine, and life makes love look hard." -Ours
"This is the last time I'm asking you this: put my name at the top of your list." -The Last Time
"I was a dreamer before you went and let me down, now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around." -White Horse
"The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name- it's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change." -Hey Stephen
"You're the kinda reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know it won't get that far." -Sparks Fly
"He tells me about his night and I count the colors in his eyes." -I'd Lie
"Ooh, ooh, we could get married, have ten kids and teach them how to dream." -Starlight
"Forgetting him is like trying to know somebody you've never met." -Red
"This is the golden age of something good and right and real. And I never saw you coming." -State of Grace
"You took the time to memorize me, my fears, my hopes and dreams, I just like hanging out with you all the time. All those times that you didn't leave, it's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life." -Stay, Stay, Stay
"I'm really gonna miss you picking fights, and me falling for it screaming that I'm right." -We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
"I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand. This slope is dangerous, this path is reckless... but I like it. I can't decide if it's a choice, getting swept away. I hear the sound of my own voice asking you to stay." -Treacherous


#SummerofTaylor

Upon the completion of the three-year journal:

I think the reason this day is so momentous and impact-ful is because I've kind of forgotten what it's like to start entirely fresh in a new journal. I've been writing in this one for almost 3 1/2 years, man! That's a long time. I'm not sure I know how to handle the newness or the oldness or any of it, so I'm pretending I don't care and attempting to brush it from the forefront of my thoughts.

The single aspect of this that most dizzies me is how little I knew about what life would look like at the end of the journal, as I composed my thoughts for the beginning of the journal. It was January 2010 and I was STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL, dadblamit! (yes, I think I just made up an expletive.)

I knew nothing of the fabulous roommate magic I would experience with Ellie, how I would become best friends with the strange purple-loving lefty across the hall, how I would be welcomed into a family of pink elephants so big-hearted and Jesus-loving that I'd have no choice but to pour back into them, the crazy but awesome things God would do in my family (and the beautiful nephews and sister-in-law He would give me!), or the vast amount of times I would doubt my major and future and He would subtly reassure me of His perfect will.
I didn't know He would lead me to London, to my heart's home. I didn't know He would have me fall in love with a country and people so different and far from my "home". I didn't know He would keep me waiting for love for so long, all the while romancing me in a way I never imagine could come from God. I didn't know He would lead me to teach piano to underprivileged women, or provide me with a rocking coaching job (including a fabulous boss and amazing coworkers), or teach me to find beauty in the ordinary.
YET, He has done all these unexpected things and so much more. He has healed, and restored, and renewed, and redeemed, and forgiven, and tracked down, and wooed, and dug out, and reminded, and promised, and held true, and taught, and listened, and spoken, and yelled, and sat silently, and carried, and provided, and waited, and held, and shocked, and BEEN, and CONTINUED TO BE.
For this, I am unendingly thankful.
My God, My God, you have not forsaken me. You have never left me alone, you have carried me and rocked me to sleep amidst my many millions of tears as you gathered them in your bottle (which, let's talk about that for a minute: your "bottle" of my tears has GOT to be a vat at this point. there were so many, especially in the last year!)
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you.
For all of this. Especially for Your whispers.
Continue this legacy you have now begun, continue burning the flame, continue bringing me to gaze upon the goodness of Your works!

"For YOU are God, and I am not, so give me understanding to know YOUR will, and seek YOUR way. For YOU are God, yes- YOU are God."
"Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name... Lord, have Your way."
"Give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life: to know and follow hard after You."
"Make me to know I love You, make me to know I need You, make me to dream of only You."

His tender whispers and inexplicable movements...

There is something stirring inside of me that I can't express with words. Something comes quickly but silently- I feel its approach but cannot see or hear it.
"I think I'm on the brink of something large. Maybe like the breaking of the dawn, maybe like a match being lit, or the sinking of a ship, letting go gives a better grip."
I don't even know what to call this. It's more of the aforementioned waiting, but it's building now.

Things swirl around me, out of my control. I am unable to fully grasp any of this.

I can only hope that someday, sometime I can look back at this time and understand what will have happened. For now, I'm walking through the can't-see-your-own-hand-in-front-of-your-face fog, well aware of the energy building around me and quite unaware of what it belongs to.

In the meantime, God is whispering:

- Matthew 10: 34-39, especially verses 37, 38, 39...
"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
It's almost like a command, given the way things have been shaping up in my life lately, especially in regards to London. It's not that my parents aren't supportive, they are doing the best they can, I think. But consider attempting to be enthusiastic about your baby girl moving across the ocean to live in another country. I'm sure it's scary and not exactly exciting for them to see this slowly becoming reality in my life. The fact that they've been less than thrilled over the prospect of me moving to London has concerned me, and made me wonder if that's really God's call on my life. Crazy how He keeps reassuring me in my unfaithful, too-frequent moments of doubt- one of which came in church through Matthew 10. Jesus did not come to make everything the rainbows-and-butterflies kind of happiness and peace. He came to seek and save the lost, and in the meantime divide His true worshippers from those who love their comfort zone more than Him. 
My job is not to cling to my parents and my rut of the usual while I'm waiting for God to fulfill His promise.
My job is to take up His cross and love Him even more than my family- to follow Him before following my family's wishes, if it comes down to that.

- Hosea 2:14-23
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her... And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord."
This continuation of His former promises to me has been my source of strength so many days lately. He will bring me out, into His glorious wilderness (I imagine that we pick wildflowers and taste the syrup of honeysuckle as we walk in the field of knee-high yellow grass) and speak tenderly to me. His whispers stun my heart and hold me together. My heart is His and only His, this betrothal is never to be undone. No matter how far I may run or how hard I may fight His goodness and faithfulness, He cannot be anything but that, for it is who He is. His faithfulness, righteousness, steadfast love, justice, and mercy win me over moment by moment and I cannot help but seek to know Him. I cannot help but trust His promises, because I know His heart and it knows me, and there are only hopeful, magnificent things to come from it. 

the shaping and the waiting

Do you ever get that odd feeling that God is moving in a huge way, and you just don't understand how or why or what He's doing yet? I've felt like this for about a month now. He's been revealing a lot of little day-to-day changes that need to be made lately, that seem less "important" but are shaping me so much more than I realized.
For instance: I really like hulu and netflix. It's definitely a problem, because at least 5 days a week I spend an hour watching The Office or Bones or something equally addicting. I'm not saying TV or entertainment is bad, I'm saying it's bad when those things take up valuable time that could be spent more effectively. If I'm as serious about God and spreading His Gospel as I say and think I am, shouldn't I be spending that time digging into Him instead of laughing at mildly inappropriate jokes and getting scared out of my wits in the name of murder mystery?
Something is so wrong with this picture.
Aside from His gentle guidance in the "HOW BECCA SPENDS HER TIME" category, there are many other weird little things He's been doing lately.
I recently finished a book titled The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews. In this book, the main character is a middle aged father of one daughter and husband to one. He pours himself into his job trying to pursue the 'american dream' and one day finds himself contemplating suicide and purposefully driving off the road into a tree on his way home from work one day. He blacks out (obviously) and wakes up in the presidential quarters of Harry Truman during the closure of World War II. It turns out he's on this journey visiting seven historical figures who all know he is coming to 'visit' them and write him letters of advice and wisdom in advance. The people he meets and lessons he learns are as follows:
{Harry Truman- The buck stops here. I am responsible for my own future and must accept responsibility for ALL my actions. I will not let my history determine my destiny.}
{King Solomon- I will seek wisdom. Wisdom waits to be gathered, and I will seek her out. I will surround myself with positive influences who counsel me well.}
{Colonel Joshua Chamberlain - I am a person of action. When others run away because the odds are against them, I will fight for my cause.}
{Christopher Columbus - I have a decided heart. Other people may think I am crazy, but my heart is set on specific goals and I will continue hoping and being steadfast in my decisions. "Those who are critical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called."}
{Anne Frank- Today I will choose to be happy. Life may not be wonderful, but I can change my outcome by changing my perspective on it.}
{Abraham Lincoln- I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. God rarely uses a person whose main concern is what others are thinking, therefore I must forgive myself and others so that my energy can be focused on what matters.}
{The angel Gabriel- I will persist without exception. There are too many things that never happen because people give up on attempting or praying or hoping. I will continue attempting and praying and hoping and not give up until I achieve what I am striving for.}

I'm not trying to be overdramatic or facetious when I say this book changed my life, because it did. Ultimately, my thought process has been drastically changed, and there is rarely a moment in any day now when I am NOT thinking about something I read in the book, whether it be one of the lessons or a story from one of the noteworthy figures. God used Mr. Andrews' book to remind me: I AM DIFFERENT FROM THOSE AROUND ME FOR A REASON. I have quirks and talents and strengths and weaknesses and such because somewhere along the line, God is going to use it. I am not your average 20-year-old college girl, consumed with fashion magazines and TV shows and dating around. I'd prefer to listen to classical music, make up words, whisper sonnets under my breath, and learn about other cultures. Sure, that makes me weird, but it is for a very specific reason that God has made me the weirdo that I am. The fact that I've reached this point of realization this early in my life compared to most of the world is a little bit stunning and such a God-thing I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it.
I'm beginning to see that there is something about the way God made ME that is completely unique from the rest of the world. I was not made to be normal or to do and like what every else does and likes.  I was made for a bigger purpose than that. God has a specific, life-changing, world-changing calling for ME and ME ALONE that is waiting to be sought after if I could just get my act together and be serious about my God's whispers of instruction.
I guess I went through all that to say, I am perched on my little tree branch and ready to take flight when He tells me about this huge thing He's doing. I will not sit stagnantly, I will move and work and serve while I wait, but I am seeking His instruction and being re-shaped my His masterful hand as we go.

Days of plenty

The one-month time difference in my last post and this one should tell you a lot about my life lately. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, school is absolutely NUTS this semester. They weren't kidding when they said this music major thing is hard. So here's what's going on: 10-12 hours of piano practice per week (not as much as it should be, but more than ever before, so hey), 18 credit hours, 30+ observation hours in JPSD and other musical places, my normal jobs of coaching and Ambassador-ing, KT chappy stuff, and normal social life things and campus activities. May not sound like a lot.... but it's a LOT. And I'm going to be completely honest, I have done absolutely NOTHING this semester. I would say I don't know how I've made it through so far with so few breakdowns and so little stress, but I do know how: JESUS. I resolved back in January to be intentional with friendships and people, and put school on the back burner. And my faithful God has totally provided for my weakness- it's such a cool example of how His power is made perfect in me. So, somehow, He's carried me through each day (not that it's been easy, there are multitudes of struggles every day, but He provides redemption and power to go on).
ALLLL of that to say: this semester is hard and crazzzyyyy busier than last semester, but worthwhile and growth-inducing. As all the best ones are.
Let me also take a minute to clue you in on how insanely adventurous my semester has been. That is, in comparison my typical MC semester where the most daring thing I do is go to Taco Bell at midnight or stargaze on the Trace at night. This semester, as you probably know if you've read earlier blogs, I went on my first Spontaneous New Orleans Trip (or SNOT, as I like to call them in my head). It was, of course, somewhat scary and rather glorious and the drive back watching the sun rise and listening to hipster music made it worth the lack of sleep.
Since then, I've done a few more thrilling things: drove to the end of HWY 80 and parked there. and got approached by a Sheriff's dept man and asked if we were doing drugs..."NO, WE'RE JUST THREE COLLEGE GIRLS OUT HERE TALKING ABOUT JESUS WORKING IN OUR LIVES, WE PROMISE!" bahahahaha. For real that happened. He seriously thought we were trying to buy dope from a nearby drug house. ridiculous.
Also, for spring break I went on a "camping" trip (and by "camping" I mean staying in my best friend's camper at a camper/trailer resort thingy) with just four college girls and zero "adults". not terribly daring, but the first time I've been on a vacation sort of thing with no adults, if you're not counting London semester excursions. So that was pretty cool.
Finally, my favorite adventures of the semester: The thursday climbing nights. It started two weeks ago when I was in my practice room, trying to be a good student, when a couple friends came in and distracted me (which I accepted warmly. practicing gets old quickly some nights) and invited me to climb onto the roofs of buildings on campus with them. So we headed out around 11 PM and I got back to my room a little after 1 AM. It was super fun, and I had like 8 billion adrenaline rushes from various climbing moments all in that night. Plus the friends I was with are really level-headed and God-loving people so there was nothing sketchy, we were just out seeking adventure and trying to avoid Security discovering us. :) hehe.
Then last night, we met up again and decided to be a little more brazen with our goals this time and climbed in/on some more 'dangerous' buildings- and by that I mean we were more likely to get caught last night than the first time. But we made it out alive, fully in tact, and without being discovered. So I count it as quite a success.
And, finally, the point of this entire blog post (yes, everything so far has just been catching up on major life events): MY DAY TODAY.
Today we had a service day involving all the clubs and tribes- we were all kinda mish-mashed around so I was in a group of 12 people from different tribes and clubs who all went to a nursing home and played Bingo and just talked and visited with the residents. I sat at a table with three golden women: Mrs Mary, Mrs Helen, and Mrs Betty. We played Bingo for a long while, and then finished a nice long game of that and cleared away all the boards and chips and whatnot and sat and talked. We talked about their children, passed-away husbands, grandchildren, previous jobs and places of living, favorite hymns, and why cats are better than dogs.
It made me remember just how much I love old people and their wisdom and old-fashioned sensibilities. Every time I visit a nursing home or assisted living, I'm reminded of how much I value their stories and feel their pain of having loved ones who never visit. I can't help but imagine myself at 92, confined to a wheelchair, with gloriously white hair, shrunken features, shriveled skin, and a failing memory.
It's a beautifully tragic picture.
I would tell people about what I've experienced in life and what's hurt me and Who's healed me and why I love life so much. I would tell people that patience is one of the most important things in life to learn and that an adventure should never be turned down (unless it is illegal... then it should be shrewdly considered before engaging). I would try to pour out just a little portion of the love that has been so comfortingly poured over me from God, through others.
And that is exactly what these ladies did. I heard about how Mrs. Betty's family never visits her and how she prefers diet drinks and wins Bingo a lot. Mrs. Helen told me she was the oldest of 12 kids, 4 of which are still alive; and the story of when she was 40 and her husband was 43 and he died driving his butane delivery truck and how lonely life has been for the 35 years that have followed, but her favorite hymn is Amazing Grace because it reminded her that God was still with her.
And my favorite of them all, Mrs. Mary, told me a LOT about her life. How her granddaughter worked a lot, but had a baby, and she was concerned the baby wouldn't develop well because her mom didn't keep her much. She talked of when she graduated from MC in the 1930's and moved to Indiana to become a schoolteacher and teach typing on manual type writers. Then when schools began to integrate, she was very leery and wasn't sure how it would go over, and the first semester of school she had two little black girls in her class who wanted to decorate her bulletin board, and she let them, and they created the most beautiful construction paper christmas tree, with little matchboxes covered in wrapping paper and glued under the tree as 'gifts' and their room won the best bulletin board design for the Christmas decoration competition. Then she knew that integration was a good thing and black people were just as able as white people to be intelligent and work hard and well at what they did. She said those two girls changed her whole outlook on segregation and integration, and I almost cried. She gave me so much hope for my future (I'm sure it was directly from God) and reminded me how beneficial teaching will be for me, my students, and our country. We also talked about how much she loved the song "In the Garden" (which was my grandmother's favorite) and would sing it every day before school in order to prepare herself for the day and remember that God was in control and would be beside her. She said she used to play piano a lot, and very well, and couldn't remember much and it depressed her. She said she's not sure if she's grateful to have lived to be 92 or if she's sad to have seen so much of life and be confined to a wheelchair now, seeing each day slip by and just living for nothing. "They tell me I'm here for a reason, but I can't seem to find it," she stated plainly.
I almost lost it right then and there.
She was so beautiful and having such a huge impact on me and I couldn't formulate the words for how grateful I was to have met her and the reason she was alive was to continue sharing her wisdom with people like me, who often lose faith and forget that life is beautiful and always will be. I told her that, much less eloquently, and tried to encourage her and convey the depth of my gratitude.
Then I told her about being a music major, and hoping to teach, and my semester in London and how I feel so called to live there forever, and how I didn't have a boyfriend but was just waiting on God, and of course she encouraged me in it all. She said I have a sweet spirit that will be good for teaching, and she hopes I can live in London and fulfill God's will for my life with a noble British man at my side.

Funny how much it means to you when you hear the whispers of your heart being iterated and confirmed by another's voice.
I hope I can always remember and treasure the experience I had today and everything that's gone on this semester. I hope that when I'm 92 I'll be sitting in my wheelchair encouraging college girls to chase their dreams and follow God. I hope I'll be telling them about my plentiful adventures and blessings that occurred throughout college. I hope I'll be reminding them just how much God can and will provide when you need a lot and tell Him a lot.
I hope I'll be cherishing these days of plenty and trusting Him for many more purposeful, plentiful days, even at the ripe old age of 92.