new shoes

A little over a year ago, I wrote a blog post about being in a weird phase of relationship with Casey- we were very emotionally and spiritually serious, but still "just" dating- which we called "outgrowing our shoes". If you missed it, this post will make a lot more sense if you go back and read it now.

That post was written in February 2017. Little did I know that 9 months later, we would get engaged, and 15 months later, Casey and I would be married. The outgrown shoes season was very difficult for me, especially as the months ticked by and we still weren't engaged. I was dead set on a Spring wedding and a 6-9 month engagement, so I felt we "had" to get engaged between June and November 2017. I loved dating Casey, and I loved being his girlfriend, but the longer we were together, the more I wanted to just marry him already. When each month ended and we got closer to winter, I started getting sad that my dreams of a Spring wedding would have to be pu…

through my weary eyes, You're giving vision for Your Kingdom.

Let me start by saying I don't feel that these words are eloquent or edited or polished enough, but for some reason I feel the need to share them raw, so here they are.

     They say every person sees colors differently. If I pointed to a leaf, we would both recognize it as green, but your eyes will see it a slightly different shade than mine will. Of course, we don't have language complex enough, or adjectives specific enough, to differentiate the exact differences we see; however, I think we could all agree that this seems like a truth to us. We can't prove it, we can't explain it, but we know it must be true.

     This morning, as I was driving down the interstate, I started thinking about spiritual sight. From out of nowhere, I realized there has only ever been one human who had 20/20 spiritual vision. Only Christ was naturally able to see absolute truth, because only Christ was fully God and fully man. The rest of us, with God's power and Spirit at work in us,…

I'm learning how to trust You more

hopefully, by now anyone reading this knows that I'm a teacher. And, as He has many times before, lately God has been using my students to convict and speak to me. I have this one fifth grader, we'll call her "Lucy" (that is far from her name, which is kinda fun). Lucy, I've come to find out, is rarely pleased with what is given to her. Not that she's ungrateful, it's just a "the grass is greener over there" scenario EVERY TIME she comes in my room. If we are doing group work, she wants to work independently. If we are working independently, she wants to be in a group. If we are learning a new song, she wants to go back to an old familiar one, and if we are reviewing an old song she wants a new, exciting one.
Lately she has been fixated on whether we sit on chairs or the carpet. As a third-year elementary music teacher, I feel like I'm finally finding my sweet spot of when to have students sit in chairs and when to sit on the carpet, what gr…

all the things, part 3- new promises

God woke me up Tuesday morning. I know because I was startled awake and immediately heard in my heart, "Meet Me."
I don't know about you, but I rarely talk to myself in my heart. I talk to myself in my mind, but I would never say to myself "Meet me," you know? I use first person when I talk to myself, but I don't say "me". I've never really thought about that until now, and I'm suddenly getting distracted with the exact term for that, because I know there is one, but I am sadly not a grammar savant and I have no idea what it is.
ANYWAY, He said "Meet Me," and I knew it was Him. And (as much as I wish this were not the case) I am not one of those people who wakes up at 5 AM on my off days to spend hours with God. I would love to get to that point, but for now I am too undisciplined and love sleep too much for that. I can count, probably on one hand, the number of times God has woken me up with the sunrise simply to spend time with…

all the things, part 2- Gilgal

I don't know about you, but for a long time it has been difficult for me to piece together the stories and meaningfulness of a lot of the Old Testament. Sadly, but thankfully, I am just beginning to really comprehend a lot of it. I've always LOVED the book of Joshua (maybe because it starts out with God telling him like 17 times not to be afraid and I've always felt like that must mean Joshua wasn't too different from me). So bear with me here as I wade through some huge truths in Joshua, and hopefully you'll grab some along the way!

A lot of Believing God (see first post) hangs on scriptures in Joshua, which has made it come alive for me and I am soaking in so much more than I ever have before. In Joshua 4, when the Israelites first crossed the Jordan River (from Egypt/wilderness) to Gilgal (the Promised Land), the Lord gave them some interesting directions:
"When all the nation had finished passing over the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua,“Take twelve men fr…

all the things, part 1- a land of milk and honey

At the beginning of the summer, I began listening to Beth Moore's 'Believing God' study on CD. I thought it would be a nice thing to listen to on my way back and forth from Meridian (because we know I couldn't survive the summer without seeing Casey as frequently as possible).

Now, let me rewind a bit before I get into all the good stuff. My mom and sister-in-law did the Believing God study at our church this past Spring, ultimately leading to my sister-in-law's salvation!! This was a huge miracle for our family. We have been praying for April since meeting her in May 2010. In fact, when I was in college, my best friend and I claimed Wednesdays as our prayer days and every morning as soon as we woke up, we prayed for the salvation of two of her family members and two of mine (one being April!) This became something we clung to and believed for so much that we lovingly call them "Miracle Wednesdays" because we know that God answers sincere, constant prayer…

reality is: the flailing and the failing

I wish you had the mental image of how I'm writing this, to help you prepare for my frame of mind.
Let me try: I'm on the couch, just home from school, changed into a tank top and shorts. I've got my pint of Strawberry Blue Bell beside me, a big ol' water bottle on the table in front of me, and Judge Judy on in the background (cause my momma raised me right). Today is Tuesday- not the best day of the week, but not the worst. I think today is election day for city council/alderman positions but my polling center wasn't open, and I have not the energy to figure it out, so I'm just not going to vote.

I don't know much why all of this matters, I just feel heavy from it.
Today was the monthly meeting for the elementary music teachers in my district. My Tuesday was really pretty good up until that point. I always struggle with those meetings (they tend to start late, end late, and have not quite enough content to make it feel worthwhile), and today was worse than…