Monday, March 31, 2014

why I hate change... er, transitions.

Transitions are one of my least favorite things. I always thought it was change I didn't like, but I'm suddenly realizing it's the transition out of the old and into the new that makes things hard. The hardest part of a piece of music to memorize is the transition- because it bears similarities to things that happened earlier in the piece, but usually shifts tonal centers and introduces a new rhythm or pattern. The toughest part of managing a classroom is transition from different activities smoothly. Apparently I'm not the only one that finds transitions challenging.
And here I am in a season of transition. I'm getting ready to move off-campus (and basically be done with MC forever since I'll only be on campus for student teacher meetings), to hand over my position as Chaplain (and therefore an officer) for KT, to leave my friends and see many of them married off, to begin my life as a teacher, to start a big-kid job, to be done with college life as I know it. It's bittersweet of course, and some days I hate it more than others, but today, the thought frees me.
I can go anywhere. I can be anything.
Those cheesy lines from the Reading Rainbow theme song excite me to no end because I recognize their truth. This step into a new phase, as uncomfortable as it may be, brings me one step closer to my future, to London, to new adventures.
I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell. And for once, it might be grand to have someone understand: I want so much more than they've got planned.
Yes, Belle, Yes.
I feel like surely someone in the Bible knew a thing or two about transitions, so I look it up.
Transition, I type into BibleGateway. Nothing.
Change, I try to vague-ify my search term. change of clothes... change of mind... change of name... change of course... change of behavior... change of countenance... change of color... "For I the Lord do not change".
And I stop. He's right, he doesn't change. If God doesn't change, why do we? Is that why transitions are so hard, because they don't exist or happen in God's character? Maybe God doesn't change because He doesn't need to, because He's already perfect.
Therefore, maybe we change because He is changing us to be perfect like Him. He calls us to be His imitators (Eph. 5:1-2). We know He also calls us to shed the things of this world, the old things, and live our lives for Him daily (Luke 9:23, 2 Cor. 5:17, Rom. 12:1-2) in "newness of life". So maybe this sacrifice of self (Gal. 5:20) demands that things change and that transitions, painful as they may be, happen in our life.
That is the byproduct of being refined by His fire (Zech. 13:9), this a little bit (or lotta bit) of pain for being a lot more worthy, valuable, and precious in His sight.

When I consider all this, all the things I have learned about God's heart and will for me, and see transitions that happen naturally in this world-- like the one I am experience now, the transition into adulthood-- I know there is good reason for the toughness and uncomfortability of it. The fact that this is hard to get through and hard to get the hang of and hard to do right makes it that much more valuable when I *do* do something right by Him. As difficult as it is to memorize how to transition and execute it smoothly and then implement that into my life, I know that I have grace waiting for me. I know I have freedom to mess up some and try again, that I have support and Love to help make this transition easier. He doesn't change, He isn't going to transition himself, but He is transitioning with me.
The power of Your love is changing me, Oh Lord. and I am so grateful.

welcome to midnight.

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