Saturday, February 27, 2010

beauty questioned.

Imagine this: you're sitting on the couch, watching a chick flick. or the bachelor. or say yes to the dress. Then comes the climax... he chases her down and kisses her... he gives her the rose... she buys the wedding dress... what is it about that climax that hits so close to home? why is it that we see these images and wish for these moments? why do we wish for the beauty that we feel we don't have? and why do we think we don't have it?
I have this need to feel beautiful stored somewhere deep inside me. I think I was born with it. This need to feel worthy, loved, beautiful, and wanted. where did it come from? why do I have it? what am I supposed to do with it?
because apparently, it can be handled the wrong way. some girls take their need for beauty and go all bad girl. some girls ignore their need for beauty and pretend they could care less. what is the appropriate way to deal with your yearning for love?
I wish I had the answer to these questions. but I don't.
what do you think?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

only trust Him

wow. I don't think I can even begin to describe what life has been like lately. God is working so much, and yet he somehow seems far away. Not like.... nonexistent. or even distant. just... quiet, maybe? yes. quiet. it's strange, and it kind of scares me. but at the same time I'm loving life so much, for the first time in so long, that I realize that no matter what's coming, I can make it. look at how far I've come, how far He's brought me! although I may not want to, I do believe I could make it through anything, with Him. (but I'm not sure if I should say that. it's almost like opening myself up for disaster and testing. haha)
anyway. life feels so extremely different now, than it did months ago, or even weeks ago. I'm not even entirely sure if I can pinpoint exactly what's different. it just IS.
it scares me to think how much I may change in the next year. it's exciting but at the same time petrifying.
I suppose all I can do is trust him to get me through and take care of me.
here we go.

welcome to midnight.

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