Tuesday, March 22, 2011

compellllllllll

sometimes I sit down and set this laptop on my knees with a specific topic on my mind that's molding itself into a wonderful blog post... tonight is not that night. tonight is the night that reality hits me. tonight is the night that I wonder why I'm still up at 11:15 when I've already finished my homework, yet it feels like there is something I need to be blogging and getting off my chest, but I'm really not very sure what it is. tonight is the night that my head is still pounding trying to relieve all the stress of the day. tonight is the night I wonder if I will ever be found- as in, found by a man who will one day love me and be my husband.
and I know that sounds cheesy, and probably pretty desperate, but I really think God does crazy things with prayer and ties your heart to the people you consistently pray for... so I guess it only makes sense that my heart is so burdened for my DFH, and that I hope to be found by him, since through my prayers for his life, God is weaving us together without our even knowing each other. this blows my mind.
but like one of my favorite women, Beth Moore, told me: "If you give God your mind, He will blow it for you."
I would like for you to keep blowing my mind, God. keep moving in ways that I can't even imagine. I love it when you do that. I love being surprised by You.
I'm so exhausted by trying to propel myself through each day... which reminds me how stupid that is and makes me tell myself, NO WONDER YOU ARE WORN OUT, BECCA. When I do everything myself, of my own power, it just drains me cause there is nothing there to replenish it.
solution?
be compelled by His love.
DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!
When I do everything with His joy & love & peace & power, it replenishes me as I minister to others. good option. can I take that one? Yes. I will.
I will.
Compel me with Your love.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

where You go, I will follow.

I'm waiting here, for You. I have no idea where to move or what to do. I've got no "next step" plans. No hopes of what might come next. My "ideas of the future" portion of my brain is totally empty. But I trust that You know what You're doing, especially when I don't. that you know everything that's going on when I can't see an inch in front of me. where You go, I will follow. partly because there are no options left... partly because my choices always lead the wrong direction... and partly because I'm yearning for Your guidance.

on another note, life has been so hectic and amazing lately. I started this "18 adventures" before. and, see, it's funny how God is using this silly, fun idea to work out His Will in my life and grow me up. The first day, I painted all my nails a different color, ate okra and cheesecake (my two favorite foods), and held a First-Century Roman coin.
The second day, anytime someone asked me how I was doing, I whipped my hair back and forth while singing that wonderful song; I also took the Writing Proficiency Exam which was basically the ACT all over again, but much more fun because I knew people there.
On the third day, I wrote a "secret admirer" letter to a boy {simply as an "I-appreciate-you-being-courteous-and-respectful-keep-up-the-good-work" note} and *whispers* have yet to put it in the mail.
For the fourth day, I paid for the dude's meal that was in the drive-thru behind me... That made me so giddy. I also got to become a D-Now weekend leader for the first time, & counsel some girls about their relationship with Christ. What an awesome opportunity!
Hmm... for the fifth day, I was going to pull a big prank on someone, but I decided since I was the leader for the sophomore girls, I should be a good example. So instead I dressed up like a princess (complete with purple tutu, "Princess" Tiara, and pink wand) and ran around in that garb for a couple hours.
The sixth day, I attempted to make a huge pillow fort, and it failed epicly, and none of my friends knew how to build a pillow fort (!) so they couldn't help me... but we ended up having a pillow fort and getting in trouble with an RA for being too loud, so it was well worth it. Additionally, Ellie & I played a car bingo game the whole way back from home, and I completely whooped her tail. Success.
For the seventh day, all my texts were sent written backwards... E.g. od ot drah yllaer si sdrawkcab gnipyt. :) that was definitely a blast. I also volunteered at a Food Bank and organized food that would be used to feed hungry poverty-stricken people.
And today, the eighth day, I devoted two hours to prayer & Bible reading & journaling (of which this is part). I also got ignored by a really cute guy friend of mine and had an emotional breakdown with my mother which led to calling my boss in tears telling her I couldn't be at the cheer competition this weekend. Definitely a GROWING experience. I feel pretty adult-ish now, not gonna lie.
Anyway, I'm really excited about how God is going to use and change the rest of my 18 adventures. :) What a wonderful birthday this shall be.

welcome to midnight.

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