Wednesday, February 13, 2013

then versus now.

Sometimes I have these really weird moments where I suddenly remember how old I am, and am shocked at myself. Have you ever stopped to consider your life now versus what you thought it would be like at this age, when you were younger? My life is absolutely nothing like I thought it would be. Okay, maybe not ABSOLUTELY nothing like it... but very different.
I thought I would grow up to be an awesome gymnast or a concert pianist. I thought I would marry some guy I already knew, or meet someone and fall in love in my first year of college. I thought I would be daring and funny and flirty and all the guys would want me. I thought I would be the best, most loyal friend imaginable. I thought I would live in New York or some equally awesome city and have no concern for money with which to buy food and pay bills.
Obviously, 13-year-old Becca didn't know much about real life.
I was thinking about it today, and I realized... my life is so much better than I could ever have imagined, in my childish mind, for it to be.
I still do gymnastics and piano and get paid to teach other people to love them as well. Praise the Lord I didn't marry who 13-year-old me wanted, or my life would be QUITE different. and praise the Lord I didn't meet anyone and fall in love in the first year of school or I might have dropped out or never gone to London or something crazy. I'm not as daring or funny as I'd like to be, but I've realized the flirty stuff and making guys want me is super shallow and so disrespectful of myself and them. Not that I don't still wrestle with this a little, but I'm slowly getting better at respecting myself, God, and my brothers in Christ to the point that I don't need meaningless flirting or constant exchanging of boyfriends to feel fulfilled and valuable. I have been the worst, most unfaithful friend imaginable- and it has taught me to value my loyal friends loads more, and to be a more intentional person. I don't live in New York- heck, I've never even been to NYC- but I did live in London (which, in my opinion is the best of the best) and have the certainty of returning someday and struggling to buy food and pay bills, which I look forward to.
Life is more worthwhile when you struggle to understand it and keep up with it and enjoy it. Anything worth doing is worth working hard for, and life proves that.

Now I sit and wonder how different life will be six years from now. Will I continue to look back in amazement at how little I "knew back then"?
I am about to turn this blog into a tiny time capsule thing.
Here goes.
-Guns will be illegal
-The world will pretty much be ending, if we're not already in Heaven
-I will be residing in London... er, at least England.
-I will be teaching music of some sort
-I will either be heavily involved in an orphanage or human trafficking organization
-I might maybe may could be dating/engaged/married
-Sister will be married
-Baby Brother will be graduating/buying a ring for a lady
-Basically all of my friends will be married and bearing children

There's a lot more I could speculate on... But this seems like more than enough change for the next six years. I look forward to seeing how God shocks me and shows off and does more than I could ever conceive even in my wildest imaginations.

welcome to midnight.

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