Saturday, September 25, 2010

show me what it is You want from me. I give everything, I surrender.

I don't know what on earth happened to get me to this place. actually, I think I do know.
and it wasn't something on earth. I can promise you that.
God is doing something huge in me... in the words of Sanctus Real, "it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace."
It's like He knows how much my time is constrained, and is honoring my devoting the little open pieces to Him. Like each morning, he reminds me that He woke me up and He's the reason I'm alive, and the whole day I have this indescribable peace. I mean, he kind of promised that in Philippians 4:6-7. He says, "Hey! Stop worrying. Don't be anxious about stuff you can't do anything about. Instead, just talk to me about it. I'm here, I'm listening. I want to hear your heart's cry, so talk to me, Daughter. Pray to me! Beg me! I want you to want me. Be thankful for my blessings- from huge things like being alive, to small things like seeing a gorgeous sunset or hearing the birds singing. Just ask me for anything you need. Once you finally do that, my peace, which no one could ever understand, will protect you. It will fill your heart and guard your mind with my son!" {that was the expanded, becca-tized version of this.}
anyway, each day that I wake up and he reminds me that I am redeemed and chosen to live in His victory, no matter what happens I somehow end the day with joy still. I may cry somewhere in the middle, or heave several sighs of stress, or want to rip my hair out. but in the midst of that, I know he is with me. walking beside me, hemming me in. that is such a beautiful picture to me. and so comforting.
so I have said all that stuff about my awesome God to say this: he is doing the weirdest thing in my life. in the midst of these tweakings and overflowing days of joy, I can almost feel him preparing my heart for the future. I can see him strategically placing people in my life that I know He has a purpose for, beyond just becoming friends in english class.
I can't even explain it beyond that.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

little things

{written 9.6.10 by me}

I remember so clearly,
that sunny day, early spring-
the day you looked at me so dearly,
that day you captured part of me.

I completely fell in love with you,
head first, no turning back.
and the way you said "I saved you!",
it almost gave me a heart attack.

see, you cared about the little things
walked with me, barefoot,
and laughed with me.
it tore my heart to have to leave,
but I knew the jokes we'd made would be
one of those little things.

I remember now, that Sunday
when your eyes locked on mine.
well you took my breath away (it's true)
sometimes, boy you just blew my mind.

you completely stole my heart,
did you ever know you did?
I couldn't stand to be apart,
you'd never believe how I missed you, kid.

see, my heart is fragile- hold carefully.
but I opened it up,
didn't think or care.
I wish I would have told you so...
but I knew my secret love would be
one of those little things.

I remember all so clearly,
when you looked at me like a stranger
and walked right by with no "hello".
that day, you gave up your status as hero.

It completely broke my heart in two,
I cried for days at a time.
boy I wish you knew what you were doing with your life,
wish I could get inside your mind.

see, you don't care about the little things.
don't give me hugs,
or laugh at me.
it's been so hard to simply believe
that one day you'll break those chains, be free.
for you don't see the little things.

welcome to midnight.

Do you ever feel like your path with God is a big ol' question mark, instead of a straight line like it seems it should be? 2018 has bee...