Thursday, August 27, 2009

DC*B Lyrics

He is jealous for me.

Love's like a hurricane,

I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all

He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves...

And we are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about the way…

He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves...

Sunday, August 09, 2009

I never knew. I never knew that everything was falling through. That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth, but that's how it's gotta be. It's coming down to nothing more than apathy. I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it clears... Let's rearrange. I wish you were a stranger I could disengage- to say that we agree and then never change, soften a bit until we all just get along. But that's disregard. You find another friend and you discard, as you lose the argument in a cable car. Hanging above, as the canyon falls between...
I really never knew. I was oblivious, living my own life, selfishly blocking out their issues. I should've seen it coming, and realized that sooner or later my near-perfect habitation would fall pathetically. and oh, how it fell. massively, and life-changing, my world fell. I did need truth. but everyone that knew how miserable I'd been was either too busy, too selfish, or too spiritual to help such a wretch like me find truth again. the others... well, they were dancing in the stained-glass masquerade every sunday and wednesday... those "happy plastic people, under shiny plastic steeples, with walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain." for so long I wandered in apathy, after the fall. I bathed in anger and slept in depression. I bought the lies, and ate the fable of my own unworthiness of salvation and joy. When I finally got pulled out of that slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, by my Loving Savior, I didn't want to face it. I wanted to run away. I thought no one was still there, that no one would be able to love me. I had seen myself as I truly am. Not the "oh, yes I am such a sinner, forgive me God, amen". He broke me. Every day I woke up I saw a shredded heart, full of depravity and perverse. I saw my vileness and desperate need for some kind of hope. I saw the way I would be without my God. and it scared me. But then He reminded me... I am not without Him, and I never will be again. "Though I have fallen, I will rise," I claimed Micah 7:7-9 over my life. "Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my Light... He will bring me out into the light; I will see His righteousness." and, OH! I did, eventually. Between then, I tried to rearrange. The awkward conversations with previous best friends made me wish I could disengage. I wished I could just make a small compromise and go back to the way it had been. But as Aslan says in Prince Caspain, "Things never happen the same way twice, dear one." I couldn't go back. I had to press on, to God's goal for me. I was discarded. I lost her, I lost all that our friendship once had been. The canyon grew wider and wider, and the bridge got closed for renovations. It's still closed. but it's still being renovated. One day, someday, the bridge will reopen. The canyon will seem smaller. It will never be the same, but I've been told that when God moves you on from one thing, it's to take you to something better. You may not like it, but it's always better for you. and you know... we should trust Him. He made us. Who are we to think that the One who made us doesn't know what is best for our lives?
I know the He knew. He brought me to it. He took me through it. and now, here I stand. In His righteousness. I will never be the same. It was painful, yes. Very much so.
But also very worth it.
Now it's up to you to decide: is He worth seeking after, even if it means losing it all?
I think I'm on the brink of something large
maybe like a match being lit
or the sinking of a ship
I'm finding everything I'll ever need.
By giving up, gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity-
right here, at Your feet, where I wanna be.
I am yours.

welcome to midnight.

Do you ever feel like your path with God is a big ol' question mark, instead of a straight line like it seems it should be? 2018 has bee...