Friday, May 30, 2008

You get me.

"You know me better than I know myself, the key to my security- there is no one else who gets me! I may be misunderstood cuz I wouldn't ever fake it, You're the only One who understands my pain. And You get me. It doesn't matter what I do, what I think, what I say, at the end of the day, I'm okay anyway- cuz Lord, you get me!"
the song You Get Me by ZOEgirl has become so real to me over the past week it totally amazes me. I have just returned from youth camp with my church youth group- and it was totally amazing. God works in totally mysterious and awesome ways- I definitely saw that this week. Without an invitation ever being given, over a dozen people came to Christ this week. PRAISE GOD! In my life, the main thing He taught me this week was to simply trust Him. although sometimes I may think I know what I need, and that he's not doing what's right for me- He always is. He knows me better than I do. he created me. he just gets me. I realized this week that he's always doing the right thing for me, leading me to the place he wants me- even when I think he's taking the long way around, or even taking the wrong route. As many of you know, the past 15 months of my life have been hectic, emotional, chaotic, confusing, scary, exhilarating, exciting, and amazing- all at the same time. There were so many times I cried out to God- "God- i have absolutely NO CLUE what you're doing!!! And, honestly, I think you're doing it wrong. But, God, you know what's best for me. So even though I can't see why this helps me or it's even happening, I'm gonna keep walking. Nothing else. Just following you, and walking. I can't see for all that fog in front of me. But I DO. I will walk."
and that's all it takes for Him to completely revolutionize your life. He wants to CHANGE you. To set you on fire with a flame that is unquenchable. To give you His confidence that is unshatterable. To give you a faith that's unshakable. Just let Him. All it takes is surrendering your will. and trust me, it is so much easier to just trust Him. to know that even when you can't see it, he's doing what's best for you.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Picture to Burn

We all have those moments in our life that we wish we didn't have to remember. Those relationships that it hurts to bad to look at old pictures of us together. Those days when we wish it had happened differently, more easily. Without all the pain, worry, doubt, heartache, depression, and weariness. We wish we could "strike a match to all my wasted time". But that's part of life- it may not be the part we WANT to remember, but it's what we NEED to remember. For the future references. Whether it be "Never stay up until 3 AM before a big date", "Don't have a crush on your best friend's brother" or "Be careful to think before you speak"- we all have advice to those who have not gone through what we have gone through. Though we may have regrets, we need to remember that there is a reason for everything that happens in life- God has a plan for all of it.

Monday, May 05, 2008

just in case you ever wondered...

lately, I've been dealing with a lot. mainly, trust issues.
trust is hard, especially when you're human ( like all of us are).
It's hard to tell yourself to completely render all self-reliance and make yourself vulnerable for someone else to let you down. especially when you're rendering your self to God. it's hard to completely trust Him with everything, without doubts or worries. actually, it's humanly impossible. but that's why He's God. we could never live without him. ever ever.
today, I did something I never thought I'd do. I had felt God telling me something for quite a while now, and I finally did it. it took a lot of humility and trust. it was hard, cuz it was something I had never really wanted to do, and wouldn't have done if I hadn't felt that God wanted me to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, even when you don't think it's possible and you feel like you're losing at life, like nothing's going right, like if one more bad thing happened, you'd hit rock bottom... just trust Him. that's all it takes for life to completely turn around. it's not gonna be perfect. in fact, conditions might not improve for quite a while. but when you trust Him with everything, all that matters is Him. you forget your circumstances and emotions. it's just You and God and you're living with more joy than you're ever had before.
like that beautiful old hymn says,
"Only trust Him, only trust Him, only trust Him now. He will save you, He will save you, He will save you now."

Friday, May 02, 2008

prom!!!

tonight was prom.
homeschool prom. I'd been "dreaming" about it ever since I found out about it in August, only to find out in March that 1- I didn't have enough guts to ask a guy (let alone the guy I'd want to ask), and 2- Lauren and Jordan were going, and they both had dates (supposedly).
So, I backed out, freaked out, and got all emo. I really wanted to go, but like I said, there was NO way you could have gotten me to ask a guy to "escort" me. So i had planned to have a crash night with PT, go to starbucks, cry a little, talk a lot, and think about all those rocks i could (and should) have thrown at some boys. But about a week or so ago, I found out Jordan didn't have a date after all, so i was gonna be her date. Which, at first, i REALLY didn't want to go. I thought it would end up bombing and be the worst night of my life.
but it wasn't!
other than being totally homeschoolerish, it was pretty fun. I didn't even dance (except when they played the cha-cha slide! XD), but we had fun hanging out, talking, and (most of all), making fun all of those that couldn't dance, yet still attempted it.
I wore the dress my grandmother wore in my parents' wedding. After shopping for 2 full days, I decided to use the one I had. At first I was really unsure of how it would work out.
But Lauren, Jordan, and I spent the whole day getting ready. We got up around 9 this morning, went out to get some breakfast, dropped by the florist (to get the corsage), and wally world (to get supplies to make mine and lauren' corsages). We took time getting showers, doing our nails, hair, and make-up.. then finally, the long-awaited PROM DRESSES.
we got dressed, and, even then, as we were leaving (and even while we were at supper), I was very self-conscious (EVERYONE was staring at us in Outback). I felt stupid, and out-of date (the dress i was wearing is from the 80s!), and just weird. After the prom, we dropped by a local coffee shop, and as we were walking out, a man stopped me and said, "ma'am, I just wanted to say that that is a classical and beautiful dress." I thanked him as we left... But his one small comment completely changed my outlook on the entire night. I was thinking on the way home, and even though tonight was not the dream come true I had originally hoped it would be, it was fun, and if nothing more, it made me feel beautiful for a night.

welcome to midnight.

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