Saturday, June 05, 2010

maybe just possibly

So I went to see the new Robin Hood movie a little while back. I was expecting much less than what I found.
((spoiler warning))
for some reason, the movie left me so hopeful, yet I felt so fulfilled. It was like the first half of the movie had whetted my appetite, and the second half gave me a house salad, filet mignon and baked potato, finished with a big slice of strawberry cheesecake and smooth coffee. I'm not kidding.
Robin Hood is in the army of King Richard the Lion-Hearted and on his way back to England after 10 years in the Crusades when the movie opens. Within the first 20 minutes, King Richard is killed, and Robin Hood and his posse break away from the rest of the army because they feel the Crusades are unfair and not an acceptable sacrifice to God. anyway...
long story short, Robin Hood is married to a woman against her will. They fall in love. It's not one of those mushy gushy steamy love scene "love"s though. He just.... falls in love with her. and vice versa. Throughout the movie, there are threads of those little things that lead you to want them to be together. and finally, as Robin leaves Nottingham for the first big battle, he kisses Marian. then he looks her dead in the eye and says, "I love you Marian." and rides off... and at first my heart started saying WHAT?! HE DOESN'T EVEN PROMISE HER HE'LL COME BACK OR ANYTHING?? and then it hit me... Love is a promise. saying "I love you" is equivalent to saying "I promise I'll come back if I'm still alive. I'll fight as hard as I can to make it back for you. I'll come to your rescue. I'll be by your side as long as I can and you're the only one that I would die for." He didn't have to say anything besides "I love you". that was all that she needed to know.
At the very final battle, Robin forms an army of those beaten down and manipulated by the greedy, self-centered King John (who was Richard's brother that took his place when he died). They charge the bad guys, bravely battling and flinging their swords at every assailant. Marian comes romping into battle, bringing reinforcements... and gets snatched from her horse and nearly drowns.
Just when everything looks hopeless and you think Marian is about to die, in gallops Robin. he kills the bad guys... or at least all the ones that are brave enough to come near. He saves Marian. everything isn't completely solved. there are still problems on the horizon.... nothing is perfect. but it's real.
He loves her. He saved her. He fights for what he knows is right. He didn't give up.
it made me both thankful and hopeful.
thankful, that I know people like that- especially guys. I mean, it's all great that girls can stand up for what they know is right... but it's so refreshing in the world today when guys do that. It made me thankful for my guy friends that are so genuinely manly (not to sound weird or anything). and thankful that TeenPact is training young men to follow God and not give up on fighting for integrity.
and hopeful for meeting one... my own personal Robin Hood. as hopelessly (or hopefully?) romantic as that is. it made me hopeful that maybe just possibly there are more real-life Robin Hoods than I know. and that maybe just possibly one of them could be the one to say "I love you." and not have to say anything else.
maybe just possibly.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

a heart of change, a change of heart.

you know, they always say that when you ask God to move, you better stand back.
and I knew it was true, because I'd seen it in other people's lives. I'd even seen it in my own life, in a small scale.
but for once, I got my guts up and said... ok, God. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm doubting you. how can it possibly be that you have a good future planned for me? that you could ever take care of the mess I continually make of myself? that you could lead me so far down the path of your will that I eventually find a man that loves me and wants to marry me? I find that impossible. I find it impossible that you could perfectly plan out my future.
how horrible is that? but I figured, hey, he knows my heart anyway. I might as well just admit what's in there. my doubt was holding me back from so much, and I could tell. I was getting sick of letting my overwhelmed-ness take control of my thoughts.
so I told him to move.
I had nothing to lose, I said... here I am. I'm nothing, I'm empty, and I don't see how you can use me at all. but I want you to. I want you to change me. to transform me. to do something with this monotonous life that no one would believe.
and he did.
he is.
I'm a work in progress, I can promise you that.
he revealed himself to me. and he continues to do so, every morning that he wakes me up and says: "You're living for a purpose today, writing your legacy one jot at a time. Follow me."
I can't really explain away what happened...
but I opened my heart...
no, I take that back. it was nothing of my own doing. he opened my heart. he poured himself in.
he broke me.
I know now, he'll never let go of me.
he has every moment of my life in his hands.
and this is the safest I've ever felt.

welcome to midnight.

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