Saturday, June 23, 2012

I decided tonight that I really like humans. I mean, I already liked people in general, but I decided that I like the human-factor about people. How we're so imperfect and raw and spontaneous. I really truly treasure that and find it so beautiful.

He works in the nothingness.

Lately, my life has felt like a lot of nothingness. I work. I come home (where I read, sleep, watch Hulu, or babysit my nephew). I go back to work. I come home. I go to bed. And on the weekend, I break up the routine with a trip with the fam to the dollar theatre or books a million. Livin' the life. My hometown friends are either not here or not avaliable when I am, for the most part, so I have absolutely no social life outside of when I visit MC friends or they visit me (which will happen a total of 4 times, over the entire summer). However, the hardest thing, I think, is knowing that my whole summer will be like this- there are 2 more months of mundane days to live through, after having lived in the most beautiful and lively city in the world for the whole first part of my year.
So in the hustle and bustle of working, driving back and forth to work, and playing mommy to my 18-month-old nephew, I almost forgot that life is beautiful and God is working in my boringness. What a strange thought that is to me, that He would work while I seem to be accomplishing nothing in my mundane, repetitive day-to-day schedule. This past week I've been waking up early every morning and spending some much-needed time reading my Bible and dwelling in His Word, and it's been glorious. Why have I not been doing this the whole break? I'm not much of a morning person (which means the waking up part is awful, but once I'm up and awake, I'm happy and peppy most days), so I usually have my God time before I go to bed. But after seeing what a difference it truly makes to get up just 15 or 30 minutes earlier to soak in Him before the madness begins, I regret not having done this sooner.
Thursday I was reading in Proverbs 3 and 4 and noticed something I'd never seen before. I usually have trouble when reading Proverbs finding new things and truths I've never noticed, because I've read through the book so many times before... but this time I was using a different version than I normally do (ESV as opposed to NIV) and God really opened my eyes to several new things. The one that really impacted me, though, was 4:23-26. 
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
24 Put away from you crooked speechand put devious talk far from you.
Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.

Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure."
When I've read this in the past, I've always highlighted 4:23 in my head, which in NIV reads "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." While that's great and wonderful and needs to be remembered, I feel like the context is just as important, if not more so. This passage gives us wise instructions with how to handle not just our hearts, but also our mouths, eyes, and feet. Too many times I find myself concentrating on my emotional growth and maturity instead of what I physically DO- this reminded me that it's just as important to truly live your faith in the mundane actions as it is to guard your heart from the many things that corrupt. People can tell a lot about you by what comes from your mouth, where you go (or more like where you DON'T go), and what you look at (both in actuality and metaphorically). And I can tell you from experience that it's shocking how much you can change when you don't guard your steps, words, gazes, and longings. 
Anyway, in the midst of all this boring, I'm reminded that God is still working, still sharpening me, still preparing my paths and molding my heart, and I treasure that promise.

welcome to midnight.

Do you ever feel like your path with God is a big ol' question mark, instead of a straight line like it seems it should be? 2018 has bee...