the spirit of prostitution (a caramel-macchiato-induced-self-realization)

you learn something new every day. apparently, you can have a spirit of prostitution. who knew? I always thought of a prostitute as a woman who sold herself to men, physically. well God has some pretty HUGE things to say about spiritual prostitution in Hosea. if you've never read Redeeming Love (which is based on the book of the bible, Hosea), the storyline is this: man of God is seeking God's heart to find woman to marry. God says "Look, a prostitute. your future wife." (not kidding) and Hosea ACTUALLY MARRIES HER. She leaves, comes back, leaves, comes back... many times. Until finally between Hosea's unconditional love for her and Christ's pursuing her, she goes back to her husband for good. Originally Hosea was written as a metaphor for how Israel would desert God over and over again and then expect to be back in good graces with Him while His wrath was burning against His people whose hearts were so far from Him. Yet every time, God's unconditional love won over and He forgave and redeemed His people again.
are you seeing the connection here, friend? I do believe God wrote the story of my life in like 12 B.C. I claim that I am after His heart. I claim that He is my First Love. I claim that He's my number one.
YET.
I search for love from others before love from Him. I seek the admiration and applause of my peers before seeking His affection. I value the respect and reputation I have with others higher than personal righteous living through a holy God. 
how wrong is that?
Day by day, I have been selling myself to this world. Little by little, in small enough increments and innocent enough pursuits to keep the red flags from going off in my heart. But something clicked today. I've been slowly working through Hosea for the past two weeks, and realizing how far I've been from My Love. But tonight, I got it.
"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD until he comes and showers righteousness on you. But you have planted wickedness, you have reaped evil, you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your own strength and on your many warriors." (Hos. 10:12-13)
I almost skipped right over it, but something with the word "deception" caught me, and reminded me of Jeremiah 17:9 (at least I think that's the reference...)- The heart is deceitful above all else, and desperately wicked; who can know it?
and BAM, there it was, like a sack 'o bricks hitting the floor. We all plant wickedness, evil, and deception. I may not be an axe murderer or sex trafficker but every day that I choose to set anything or anyone above God, I am planting seeds of wickedness in my heart. I am deceiving myself when I say that this one crush on a guy isn't going to effect my relationship with God- when in reality it takes over my thoughts and slowly tugs me away from His heart. and that's not how it's supposed to be AT ALL.  I am planting evil when I let pride control my thoughts, actions, and words. When I think of myself as better than others. When I decide that fear will conquer my dreams for Christ, before even trying. When I let convenience dictate how radical I will be for Christ today. 
Geez, I'm convicting myself now. Do you get my point, friend? I try to exclude myself from this passage in Hosea and try to pretend that I'm not a prostitute to this world in my spirit, but I am. and I KEEP GOING BACK FOR MORE. I depend on my own strength to power me through the day and take care of my future hopes and plans. Yet that will only lead me to destruction, how well I know it; and still, I seek to control myself and not yield to my Creator. 
It is time to seek the Lord until He comes,
not until I get tired of waiting on Him, or until I find other entertainment. until He comes. until He redeems me. until He buys me back out of prostitution to this world and calls me His Own again. (I'm in no way inferring that I've lost my salvation... if you're confused, please comment).  Hosea 2 talks about God restoring Israel: "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (Trouble) a door of hope, There she will sing as in the days of her youth..." (2:14-15) and what a beautiful picture that is. and, HALLELUJAH, Christ is going to do that for me. He'll come and lay me to waste so I can be restored and redeemed and made whole again. So I can sing again. So I can find hope again. "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds (Job 5:17-18)... Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, HE WILL APPEAR; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." (6:1&3) 
And finally, after all this has passed, I will be His again. He says: "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." (2:19-20)
Is there any more beautiful way to say it? After I have wandered and sold myself to those who should never have owned me, and now have been redeemed- I am bought back! I am His and He is mine, we are betrothed in righteousness, justice, love, compassion, and faithfulness. The perfect relationship. The perfect love story. The perfect God.


"There's no such thing as perfect people, there's no such thing as a perfect life. So come as you are, broken and scarred; lift up your hearts, and be amazed, be changed by a perfect God."