and it wasn't something on earth. I can promise you that.
God is doing something huge in me... in the words of Sanctus Real, "it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace."
It's like He knows how much my time is constrained, and is honoring my devoting the little open pieces to Him. Like each morning, he reminds me that He woke me up and He's the reason I'm alive, and the whole day I have this indescribable peace. I mean, he kind of promised that in Philippians 4:6-7. He says, "Hey! Stop worrying. Don't be anxious about stuff you can't do anything about. Instead, just talk to me about it. I'm here, I'm listening. I want to hear your heart's cry, so talk to me, Daughter. Pray to me! Beg me! I want you to want me. Be thankful for my blessings- from huge things like being alive, to small things like seeing a gorgeous sunset or hearing the birds singing. Just ask me for anything you need. Once you finally do that, my peace, which no one could ever understand, will protect you. It will fill your heart and guard your mind with my son!" {that was the expanded, becca-tized version of this.}
anyway, each day that I wake up and he reminds me that I am redeemed and chosen to live in His victory, no matter what happens I somehow end the day with joy still. I may cry somewhere in the middle, or heave several sighs of stress, or want to rip my hair out. but in the midst of that, I know he is with me. walking beside me, hemming me in. that is such a beautiful picture to me. and so comforting.
so I have said all that stuff about my awesome God to say this: he is doing the weirdest thing in my life. in the midst of these tweakings and overflowing days of joy, I can almost feel him preparing my heart for the future. I can see him strategically placing people in my life that I know He has a purpose for, beyond just becoming friends in english class.
I can't even explain it beyond that.
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