He makes me... loved. and happy.

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^ my thoughts right now.
I usually don't blog until I have some actual purpose formulated in my mind that needs to be discussed. But this is just too good! Please forgive me while I improv-blog.

GOD IS SO GOOD. HE IS REALLY COOL AND AWESOME.
HE PROVIDES AND HE MAKES ME HAPPY AND HE GIVES ME JOY AND HE CALMS MY HEART AND HE IS JUST EVERYTHING.
What started this? Reading back through my talking-to-God journal.
Is it ridiculous that every time I start connecting God's dots of how He's moving and providing in my life and answering even the most shallow, nonsensical prayers, that I get really excited?
Because I really do. Like, a 'five-year-old-on-Christmas' excited.
Last November, for example, I was reading through Ezekiel. On the 7th, I wrote:

"Ezekiel 4= Sometimes you call us to craziness. Help me to listen to Your call and boldly and bravely accept it."

Less than a week later, I wrote:

"I know that You will carry through on Your words, as your prove in Ezekiel 5... Help my unbelief and help me continue to wait hopefully and patiently on your plan."

Throughout this time, I was getting nervous about London and all the semester would bring. I was distracted by boys and vanity and all my lists. Now, looking back at these entries of pouring my heart out to God with my concerns and prayers- both selfish and eternal- it astounds me how even then He was providing and I was blind to it.
He was preparing my path and putting the desires in my heart to do bold, brave, crazy things for Him... like move to London. for more than just 3 months.
He was keeping me from the things I wanted but didn't really need...
like approval from the wrong people, attention from the wrong guys, and other little things that were simply ill-timed.
I vividly remember, then, being so overcome by His goodness one day, and the next day being unable to focus on anything other than some cute boy or making my hair look awesome. I'm not saying I'm perfect and over that now, but our relationship is just that: A RELATIONSHIP. Not me sliding my prayer requests under His door and trying to make Him agree with my petitions, as it was a bit over a year ago.
Another request that keeps popping up in my pre-London journaling is "pursue me, woo me, be the Lover of my soul."
And, okay, let's be real: it makes me tear up when I see it so often and know what happens next.
HE DOES IT!!!!! asfioasebituawvryilhrusilabwrulhruilavylriaegurilshutarwlagryualrgvhajslhfialegu
what?!
Yeah.
THE GOD. THE ONLY GOD. THE ONE WHO IS AND HAS BEEN AND WILL BE FOREVER. The One who created me and everything I know. I said, "Hey, will you love me and start teaching me to love You?" and He said "HECK YES."
I cherish London most because it's the place where He became my first Love. I've called Him that before and known what it meant, but used it cause it sounded good and spiritual.
I don't think anyone knows what it means until they get to a place where they literally cannot survive alone. While in London, I had no family or best friends within arm's reach. I was completely out of my comfort zone 24/7 and ran around like a lost duck about 95% of the time, especially toward the beginning. I had a place to stay and someone who was an authority figure over me and money to buy bread and peanut butter, yeah. Otherwise, it was just God. I had no constant emotional support. I had no mentor. I had no church family. I had no one who'd be gut honest to my face when I needed it... I was hours away from all of that.
And because this little lost girl sat on her dorm bed and said, "I don't know what I'm doing, but I know I need Your love," He walked my paths before me. He was beside me as my friend, behind me as my rear guard, above me as my mentor, around me as my family, with me as my love. He became my everything, quite literally. I didn't even know this glorious Creator of all was doing that as I prayed and worried and cried and hoped and dreamed. I couldn't feel Him holding my heart and didn't hear Him say, "I'm already here, and there, and I already love You like that." But because somewhere something told me I should pray those words, He shouted "FINALLY! She's ready." and blew me away.

This probably doesn't make sense and doesn't tie together and doesn't get you near as excited or emotional as I am. But literally SEEING my penned prayers answered, a year later, I'm beyond ecstatic and so thrilled and blown away, I did good to calm down enough to type this out and spell most everything correctly.

HE MAKES ME HAPPY.