loves and fears and mores and enoughs.

I have no idea where this blog post is going or what may come out of it, so please bear with me. There's a lot welling up in my heart and weighing on my mind lately, so this is my feeble attempt at sorting it out. Summer school has been keeping me busy lately, and especially busy writing. When I write for school, I usually approach it as I would a blog post: a hopeful preliminary attempt at sorting out my thoughts, be they thoughts on research or opinions or just emotions. And, luckily, it turns out pretty good in most cases. Well, for this psych class I've been attempting to approaching my writing as a blog post, and it's been wonderful... but it's made me despise even the idea of blogging because I feel like I've already blogged about 33 pages of information on children with exceptionalities.
However, I feel like there are some big things rumbling around in me (and I'm still unsure of their correctness level, so feel free to judge and add your opinion) and I'd like to get my thoughts out there, so here goes:

LOVE and FEAR.
For a long time, I've thought LOVE's opposite was HATE.
I'm changing my mind.
I believe LOVE's opposite is FEAR.

"Every type of emotion has one of only two roots – love or fear. Out of love flow joy, peace, happiness, patience, kindness, gentleness, and hope. Out of fear flow hate, anger, bitterness, resentment, rage, worry, envy and hopelessness.

The fascinating part is that scientists have researched the anatomy and physiology of love and fear and found that these two emotions cannot coexist. You either walk in love or fear but you can’t walk in both at the same time."

- Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd

This explains it all so well. I am incapable of loving if I am afraid of love, or afraid of what may happen, or afraid of my past. I am incapable of fearing if I love God and others with a love that surpasses even that of my self-love, which is continually greater than it should be. 


The other big thing that's tumbling around in me is the word MORE.
As a resident of 21st century America, I am quite familiar with this word and its meaning. It means that what I have now is not ____ enough. Maybe just not enough. Maybe not interesting enough. Maybe not beautiful enough. Maybe not clean enough. Maybe not fast enough.
It means that what I have now is not satisfactory.
It means that contentedness is not a option currently.

And yet... YOU are MORE.
You are more than what you say.
You are more than what you do.
You are more than what you did.
You are more than what you wear.
You are more than what you believe.
You are more than what you see.
You are more than what you love.
You are more than what you fear.
You are more than what others tell you.
You are more than your mistakes, hiccups, skeletons, pains, glories, prizes, accolades, and shadows.

It means that what you are now IS ENOUGH.
It means that what you are now is satisfactory.
It means that contentedness is possible.
It means that forgiveness is not only possible, but has been standing there waiting on you to recognize it.

and still, beyond that, HE is MORE.
He is more than what church says.
He is more than what church does.
He is more than what you did.
He is more than what pictures of him look like.
He is more than what we believe.
He is more than what we see.
He is more than what we feel.
He is more than what we love.
He is more than what we fear.
He is more than what anyone has ever told you.
He is more than words, images, and emotions can explain.
He is more than your experiences, regrets, rewards, light, and shadow.

It means that what He is IS ENOUGH.
It means that what He is can handle absolutely anything. period.
It means that what He is now will never change.
It means that contentedness is actually not an option, because we can only see the surface of the 'enough' that He is.
It means that He is forgiveness.
It means that He makes you worthy.
It means that He makes you enough.

He is more, therefore I am more.
Together, we are more than my loves and my fears. Together, He takes my 'enough', and makes it His, and makes it more.