yeah, Mister Fear, you captured me.

for so long, fear has reigned in my life. and I wish I could say that at this moment, I give all to God and force fear away, for His Perfect Love drives out fear! but quite honestly, I'm not sure I can give it up. because, scarily, it feels like I am stuck on this one. like I can't get past it. like my heart is so very weary and my mind is so broken, I can't ever live free of fear. I'm hoping that maybe just possibly getting these fears out in the open and out of my head will help. that I can run from them and to my Savior and be free, if only to keep relying on Him to free me from them.

I'm afraid of not being loved. Afraid of living alone. Afraid of failure. Afraid of hurting others. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of being friendless. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of being made fun of. Afraid of my rebellious heart. Afraid of change. Afraid of being used. Afraid of being labeled. Afraid of being overestimated. Afraid of turning from God. Afraid of sickness. Afraid of the future. Afraid of depression. Afraid of what I could be. Afraid of what I don't understand. and quite honestly, I'm afraid of eternity. because it's, um hello... FOREVER. and the thought of me. a human. living forever? it boggles my mind... and since I can't understand it, of course it scares me.

So there you go, folks. This little lady is scared of just about anything unreasonable there is to be scared of. and when I see all those things, those worthless yet time-consuming things, that capture my thoughts each day... it make me sigh and say to myself, Oh Becca. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God! The Creator of the ends of the earth! He will not grow tired or weary {of saving your soul}, and his understanding {of your heart and mind} no one can fathom (isaiah 40:28, additional phrases {in brackets} mine)

oh, My God. come to me quickly! for I am weak and broken in spirit and I cannot save myself from the fear that controls my life. save me! pick me up and hold me in your hand so that no one can snatch me from it! restore to me the joy of your salvation and the wonders of your love. help me to bring every thought captive, in obedience to you. help me to guard my heart and mind! be the Lord of every aspect of my life, especially in my thoughts, dear Lord. "so hold me, with arms that made the universe. shelter my heart with all that You are!"

Let Me (Go) lyrics- Nicole C. Mullen