occupation

this word just hit me. literally, JUST. as in, within the past 30 seconds. so get ready, I think I feel a God-thing coming on.
I was sitting here in my bed, thinking about how I SHOULD be going to sleep, because tomorrow I'm getting up early for church. thinking about boys. thinking about school. thinking about God. I've got a lot going on in my head, the question is, though: What occupies my thoughts? Not what do I think about (although that is an important question to keep yourself accountable), but what occupies my thoughts.
Friends, do you know what it means to occupy? It means you live there. to reside there, take up space there, be situated there. What lives in, takes up space in, and is situated in my mind?
What a scary question.
I would love to be able to honestly say that God occupies my thoughts. But when I'm being genuine with myself I realize this: There is a huge difference in frequent visit and occupancy. I go to my friends' dorm rooms all the time. I visit a lot, and know where everything belongs, and sometimes even sleep there. But I don't live there. It isn't my home, it's just a temporary place to hang out.
So what is my mind, for who? And by that I mean, is my mind a home for Christ? or is it a home for remembering that cute guy and holding a grudge against my friend who hurt me? Is my mind a home for the worries over grades and hopes of marriage, or is it a home for the Bridegroom himself?
SO convicting.
When I'm real with myself I realize that the things that occupy my mind are the worries, the hopes, and the hurts. not the One.
that tears me apart. The Savior of the Universe is daily seeking me out and wooing me, yearning for intimacy with me, and yet I refuse to let Him occupy my thoughts. I am so selfish.
one song that has burned in my heart all summer is by one of my favorite worship bands, CommonGroundBand. no one has ever heard of them (makes me feel so hipster) but they're amazing. The song, Make Me, talks about God transforming our hearts and turning us back to Himself. The chorus that continues to echo in my head each day says this: "Make me to know I love you. Make me to know I need you. Make me to dream of only You, only You, only You."
first off, it just hits me right in the heart and expresses exactly what I've been feeling. secondly, I don't think it's a coincidence that I consider myself an always-dreamer, and it repeats THREE TIMES {the number of perfection}, "make me to dream of only YOU."
I've been singing this to God, begging Him. Although for some reason I feel like it's wrong to beg God. But I'm on my face right now before Him... begging Him to occupy my thoughts. I don't want to spend my life with a bunch of trash in my head. I don't want to live consumed in worries and faded dreams. I want to live life more abundantly than I could ever dream of. And the only person that could ever fulfill that desire is Jesus Christ. Wanna know something even better? Not only CAN He fulfill that desire, He PROMISES to fulfill that desire. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, but I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) And may I say, what an epic promise that is.
Hallelujah.