Sunday, December 18, 2011

anger & grace

let me be straight-up with you: I haven't read my Bible in a good week. and I know this means I probably shouldn't be blogging but should instead be reading. however, I feel like I need to confess something else. I've been really angry lately. I know this is probably because 1) I don't have the Word constantly flowing into my mind & heart. 2) I'm therefore living more by my flesh than His Spirit. I know this is no way to live and I should stop, read, journal, & get right.
but honestly? I feel like at this point, that's just one more thing on my checklist. it wouldn't be out of obedience and worship to Him. and I would rather be cold for God today than pretending to be hot.
so anyway, because of this lack of Him in my life, I've gotten angry at my family. a lot.
it's made me realize just how precious God's grace is. apart from Him, I have no way to be anger-less. and living angry is horrid. but because of Him, I can live free from anger (and shame, and guilt, and hurt, and jealousy, and envy, and all that). I can live consumed by His love, peace, mercy, & grace. wow.
He is jealous for that; for me. He's jealous for all my attention and affection. He wants my life, every piece and particle of it, even the ones that don't belong to me anymore. He wants my emotions, my thoughts, my dreams, my wishes, and my hopes to center on Him.
His love for me is great and unimaginable and mind-boggling.
My faithfulness to Him is lacking, sometimes nonexistent, and most often simply lack-luster.
HE IS JEALOUS FOR ME.
LOVES LIKE A HURRICANE, I AM A TREE BENDING BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF HIS WIND & MERCY.

stop and let that sink in.
and thank Him for his unending love, mercy, and grace. without it we'd all be eaten alive by anger at some point. or at least I know I would.

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