so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehn, adieu.

inhale, exhale, repeat.
I'm home. after a long, exhausting, thrilling, and constantly changing semester... I've survived. I've conquered and now sit in my room with halfway-unpacked bags cluttered around me. I'm glad to be here, but it's bitter-sweet, because I had to leave MC, and will leave home in just 29 days.
DAYS! it's getting so close.
but back to leaving MC. it was really hard. I cried... a lot. most of the crying occurred yesterday, but of course there were tears today to.
I'm not even entirely sure what was going on, but I totally broke down on Ellie last night. We'd had a good evening of fun & laughter with Olivia, Kayla, & Sarah, then we decided it'd be a good idea to watch the season finale of FRIENDS before we went to bed... which turned into starting at the beginning of the last disc, which is like 6-8 episodes. (the bad ideas started here). we watched a couple episodes, then stopped in the middle of one to talk and laugh about something, and somehow ended up crying over me leaving & it being our last night together, so we pull up PhotoBooth to make a video (bad idea number 2). We do, and can't make a decent video for all the crying that's going on. so we opt to go back through all of El's videos of us from the past year and a half. from the very beginning, as in the day after move in when we made a "this is a tour of our room" video. and from there it just got funnier and more memorable and tear-evoking (hence it's bad idea #3). we watched videos and looked through old pictures for about 30 minutes, until the computer died and we got back in our separate beds to talk (the fourth bad idea). so we talked about our favorite memories and laughed (I mean GUFFAWED) over some silly moments, and cried about not getting to have any in the spring. I know this sounds stupid, but when you live with someone for almost two years, your hearts begin to be knit together because you share a lot of waking moments together. and it's wonderful, because Ellie is one of my very best friends and has her own particular place in my heart full of warm fuzzy silly things. but it's terrible when you have to be parted, because you start thinking about it all, and how much you'll miss out on, and start worrying "WHAT IF..." ...she finds a better roommate... something happens to me in London... something happens to her while I'm in London... I have a really terrible roommate experience in London... and on and on we go.
so we ended up cuddled in the same bed crying for the better part of the night, until we decided it was time to put our big girl panties on and stop crying and actually get some sleep in our separate beds, which we did. but I still ended up crying myself to sleep, which hasn't happened in a very long time.
then of course today I had to say bye to everyone else, which made me tear up but I never outright cried, which was good, cause I mean I looked rough enough without tears making me all red & puffy. I cried in the practice room, and prayed, and worshipped for one last time. I'm going to miss Aven 306. A LOT. and I'm going to miss my fantastic roomie, and my KT sisters. those 3 most of all.
God, I know this London thing will be a great experience, but right now these goodbyes are tearing me apart. I know it's only for a season but it feels like it will be so long and so much will change while I'm gone. what if I'm not even close to these people when I come back? God, 'whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly... it feels like chaos, but I believe You're up to something bigger than me, so I'm giving in to something heavenly.' I trust You.