Faithful to His promises

so here is the God-lesson that has been missing from my blog and my life lately.
I've got to be honest and say that my relationship with God is super up-and-down on my part. And month, it's been mostly down. Of course He is always so faithful to protect and provide and just be there. Of course I, being the human I am, often like to think I can take matters into my own hands. You'd think after 10 years of this being a christian thing I'd at least start to get a little better at it... but no. It seems to get worse, actually (or maybe I'm just more aware of my failures as time goes on and He sharpens me). Either way, I fail him a lot. As with the past month, I basically just stopped spending time with him. I know. WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING, BECCA?! Honestly, it became a "I'm really tired from work, so I'll let myself sleep in... oh no, don't have time for a devotional this morning, I'll do it tonight... I'm really tired from work again and would rather catch up on New Girl than feel convicted so I'll save that for later..." and so on. In hindsight, all I can think is "Seriously, how stupid can you get, self?" but I guess that makes it all the more apparent just how much I need a Savior and Lord. (note the AND Lord part. meaning I don't just need to be saved... I need to be saved, kept, and mastered by the One who can play this instrument much better than I).
Well God has this way of speaking into a believer's heart, as you probably know well (if not... talk to me. You need to get with God. He is really awesome.) and he did this to me. Every day. For the past month (and I mean, if you want to get technical, every day since the day I got saved on April 28, 2002).  Well for the past bit, in the midst of my stubbornness and being "too busy" to get to know God, He's really been tugging at me to just sit down and pour out my heart to him like I do my best friends. So I finally did. and of course, it included some tears and some whisper-screaming and a lot of brokenness. But the outcome is always worth it.
Basically, all that was said in order to say this: I find myself yet again redeemed despite my selfish stubbornness.

ALSO. Last night we had a lock-in, right? Well it went REALLY well. I absolutely loved it, even though it was exhausting. And somewhere between 2 and 4 AM, when about half the girls were asleep, I started getting all sentimental about how much I'll miss them during the school year, and how I invest so much of myself into each beautiful child and they don't even realize it... As I sat there on a big fat vault mat and looked over the gym floor at the gigglers, the sleepers, and the talkers, I realized how protective I feel over them. Every 30 minutes I got up, walked around and made sure everyone was behaving and doing well. I felt a little like a tiger on the prowl, checking for anything askew and ready to pounce on it, as I slowly padded around the gym. It didn't hit me until after I'd gotten back home today just how big that is. I've always joked about being Mother Theresa, and semi-seriously considered working at an orphanage if the marriage thing doesn't work out... but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I could do it because I feel God's called me there, whether for short- or long-term. I've already discovered that life is seriously incomplete without children in it. Which is exactly why I want to teach... but I realize now there's something to this that's bigger than just that. This is bigger than me becoming a teacher or coach or whatever. I don't know what it is yet... but I feel the promise of more.