wrecked!

God has started this thing where he completely wrecks me whenever I let Him. Which is really great, because I need to be wrecked. However, the sad thing is, I don't let it happen as often as it needs to happen. I blame it on busyness and tiredness and who knows whatever else when I get up in the morning and say, "Nah, I'd rather spend these 20 minutes eating breakfast than building a relationship with my Savior and dying to myself."
Because really, living for myself is easier and more fun most of the time.
At least at first.
But it's a guaranteed fact: every Sunday, every Bible study day, every time I start to dig into the Word, he ruins me a little bit more for this world and what it tries to sell me. These occurrences usually end in tears, and sometimes screaming/sometimes complete silence and lack of words, and always being totally humbled by Him and His presence and His grace.
Today looked a little bit like this:
I go to church. He stabs these lyrics of songs into my heart like daggers. I cry, the brokenness-being-healed-and-redeemed cry. The pastor starts preaching. Once again, my heart is overwhelmed by my selfishness, pride, and lack of Him. I cry some more. The pastor relays God's grace and goodness.

The everlasting truth is that God IS who He says He IS and He DOES what He says He can DO.
His names don't just tell us what he does, they tell us HIS NATURE and HIS CHARACTER. They tell us that He IS the very definition of that quality- healing, righteousness, providing, etc.- because He will NEVER not do or be that. He has always been, is continually, and will forever be EVERYTHING that is good in this life. EVERYTHING. 
That continues to blow my mind and wreck my life every time I think about it.

So there's all that. Add on to that my personal issues and mistakes and pains, and the fact that when I pour them out to Him, it's as if there's immediate healing poured into my heart. When I repent and ask for Him to forgive and heal me, I'm reminded that He always will be and do that for me, no matter how imperfect I am on a regular basis... just because He is good.
Once we get all that personal stuff added to the bundle, I am MESSED UP by the time I've finished my ranting.

In our Sunday night Bible study, we've been working on John 1 for a while now. We talked a couple weeks ago about verses 3 and 4 specifically, and how we were made through and by THE GOD, and Him alone. Claire shared this gripping story about her godmother's baby. The baby was born with some issues and went straight into neonatal ICU. The mother talked about how much she longed to be on the other side of that pane of glass, holding her newborn baby, but she knew she couldn't and that it would literally kill her child. Then the mother realized that's how God is with us. We are here, on this earth, separated from Him by sin. There is no way he can touch us or hold us like He wants to because He is so righteous and perfect, we would literally die (Exodus 33:5, 18-23). But then He sends Jesus, our Savior, our Messiah, to remediate our sins and reconcile us to Him that He may indirectly touch us and hold us. We don't physically die because we don't physically see Him, but we spiritually die to ourselves and this world because He spiritually consumes us to the point that WE, shattered creatures of darkness, can no longer live, and can only have Him living through us.
It boggles my mind.
1 Timothy 6:16 says He "dwells in unapproachable light"... but this is why we have the Holy Spirit in us, from the day of our salvation, so that we may be seen under Christ's blood as His spotless righteousness and may therefore "approach the throne of Grace with confidence." (Hebrews 4:16)

I'll stop there because my mind is whirling and I can't gather my own thoughts for the sake of His extraordinary self.
Keep your eyes on Him, my friends. Let Him consume you.