I'm having another one of those nights.

The tidal waves of emotion buffet me and I can't seem to calm my swirling mind.

The only thing that makes sense is music.

But it's late and I can't be too loud...

It's not as bad as it has been before. I'm able to hold back tears, and pretend I'm ok, even if my mind seems glued to this subject.

Somehow the music just pervades the memories, disappointments, and wishes, and melts it all away.

"For the dear soul knew that music was a very sovereign balm; She had sprinkled it over Sorrow and seen its brow grow calm..."

That line of "The Opening of the Piano" by Oliver Wendell Holmes was written for me. I kid you not.

These times when my heart so longs to just stop (and although I am too scared and not stupid enough to cut, I want to)... these times are when I sprinkle the music over my Sorrows. most of the time it helps. But sometimes, sometimes it just doesn't do enough good.

And it's then that God reminds me that only He can truly heal me and ease my spirit.

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." -Job 5:17-18