decisions, decisions... are stinky.

whoever it was that initially decided grown-ups have to make tough decisions deserves to die a slow and painful death. I mean, I guess it's just kind of understood that once you're an "adult" and out on your own, you just... well, have to. But still... I think it's stupid. especially on days like today when I'm really indecisive and scared and would prefer to be a baby about it and make my mother do the hard thing for me.
I wonder if Jesus ever hated making decisions. I wonder if he ever found himself dreading the next day because he knew what was coming and didn't want to go through with it. I mean, he was human... so surely he had some of that, right?
Agh. I don't know.
Anyway. I guess the main point of all this is simply that growing up is tough. I'm not so sure I enjoy being responsible to send payments on time and decide even simple plans like how I'm going to schedule moving back into the dorm. Actually, scratch that.
I mostly hate it.
It's confusing and stressful and just plain ol' hard. But then that's what makes us better, sharpens us, blah blah blah. (I'm sounding awfully cynical tonight...) Right now I'm tired of being made better, of being molded and changed and sharpened. I would really rather be left alone and not have to make these big-kid decisions, quite frankly.
God, help me to have a better attitude about the way you're changing me. I know it's good and I know it's your will, but I just really don't like it right now. I don't like feeling so distant and cut off from everything. I don't like being alone in tough decisions, and I don't like feeling so void of optimism. Change my mind. Own me.